My Journey

Brave?

I have deliberated for a while on whether to write this blog, but something that happened to us as a family back in August 2016 is the reason I made the ‘brave’ choice to start my own business and get the work life balance how it should be.

So, where do I begin?

From the outside looking in, I had everything in 2016.  A loving, caring and extremely handsome Hubby, a beautiful, smiley, happy baby boy. I was just starting the dream job, running two brands of a successful health and beauty business and a 3 bedroom 1950’s semi-detached home in suburbia – you know, life doesn’t get much better, does it?

Well it suddenly did – We were pregnant again!! Now, OK, it wasn’t ideal I was just starting a new job.  IC would only be 14 months old with the baby arrived.  But we would make it work and our family we felt was almost complete.  We giggled at the thought and excitedly, started researching double pushchairs and planning where everything would go.

Sadly, this joy was short lived and at 11 weeks, we sadly lost our beautiful baby. Even now, 8 months on from that day the sadness overwhelms me.  But as a family, we rallied together and kept normality for IC who was just at the most incredible stage and really starting to develop a little, very cheeky personality.

I threw myself into my job with a renewed focus. This was my chance to be a success. This is how I would be the best Mum I could be – by not being there?!

IC was thriving and enjoying every moment he spent with all of his family, but he was getting clingy.  If I was around, he didn’t want anyone. Surely, it was just a phase.

Well this phase continued for months, and by November the penny was slowly beginning to drop.

Working all the hour’s god sent wasn’t being the best Mum I could be, I had got my priorities all wrong and frankly, I wasn’t managing working and being a Mum as well as I could be.

On my daily commute, I started thinking ‘I would never get these moments with Isaac back & if, we only have Isaac would I be able to look back and say, ‘yes I did everything I could to nurture him and help him grow’’ and I realised that I was hiding behind my job and using it as an excuse to not address my emotions about our loss or the guilt for not seeing enough of IC.

So, I began to look at how I could get the balance right, how could I enjoy my baby boy – who was growing so much every day and still work and provide.

The rest they say is history.

So why did I call this blog ‘Brave’? Well I have on a few occasions recently been called brave for starting my own business. I don’t think I am.  I think the brave people are those who make the big decisions early.  Who sacrifice in some cases, their careers for their children.

I feel the balance is now how it should be and I am blessed to be able to see so much more of IC.

My advice, is to not hide behind an emotion or a loss, be honest with how you feel. Talk about it or write about it and ultimately be honest with yourself.

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